ACCORDING TO CAS
Scoring with “I Love You”.

Does saying “I love you” strengthen your offense or leave you defenseless?

Vulnerable, according to Noah Webster - susceptible to physical injury or attack. Subject to criticism or censure

Vulnerable, according to the street - weak, whipped, pushover

My man and I have been dating for close to five months and it’s smooth sailing. At least it was until Wednesday.  He picked me up for dinner wearing the light orange button up I purchased for his birthday.  He looked so good, all I could do was beam as I thought… “look at my boyfriend.” After our hug, he showed me a ticket stub. It was from our first date. Taking me into his arms, he said, “That night I knew that you would eventually be my girl”.  He gave one of those quick, but passionate kisses, the kind that gently tugs your bottom lip…love those.  We gazed at each other and then it happened. The words slowly crept from my chest, to my throat and relaxed on the pallet of my tongue. Will this catapult or plummet our relationship?  As the soft “I” left my mouth, the taste soured and my lips quickly snap shut.  To make matters worse, I gave him one of those closed lip, silly grins.  You know the ones you give when you get caught doing something completely irresponsible.

Of course during our meal, it continually popped into my head. I kept looking for the perfect moment to interject my sentiment, but there was none.  Finally he asked, “Are you okay? You’ve been acting weird since the house.”  Now was the perfect time. “I…I…I think I want chocolate cake.  You wanna split dessert?”  That’s it. I’ve decided he’s the man and he should say it first.  God forbid, I say it and he doesn’t. That could take me from the 50-yard line to his 30 and I don’t know how to recover from that. Therefore, I ate my chocolate cake and went home.

By the end of the night I couldn’t take it anymore.  I came up with stupid ways to interpose the word love, in hopes that I could squeeze the phrase into normal conversation.  “I do love you in that orange shirt.  Orange is your color; don’t you love it?  That cake was a spoonful of love.  I love chocolate. I mean I absolutely love chocolate.”  Just then he responds.  “Do you love chocolate more than me?” I shrugged my shoulders and replied, “maybe”. Can you believe it?  Here was the opening I’ve been waiting for and I blew it.  All I had to say was “No baby, you know I love you, much more than chocolate.” There would have been no pressure, no vulnerable moment, just a quirky statement that would have released the heartburn from my chest.  But instead we sat in silence and continued to watch television. This is when I realized his statement was not only my opening, but his as well.  He, too, needed a light moment to ease into the three words.

Does vulnerability keep us all from having open and honest relationships?  It’s obvious we love each other.  It’s why I beam at the thought of his name and why he kept the ticket stub and decided to show it to me. It’s why we have to come up with dim-witted ways to express our admiration. 

This is silly; we are adults. He can’t read my mind, and I shouldn’t expect him too. If we lack the courage to communicate good feelings how are we going to correspond during the tough times? So what am I afraid of?  Honesty has the power to destroy fear. It was fourth down, nothing to do but say it. “I love you,” I whispered. And just like that, I punted and he had ball. What do you think he did?  He grabbed my hand, kissed my arm and responded, “I know you do”, and just like that I was defenseless as he scored a touchdown. Thus, I took my tea and my hurt feelings and retired to bed.  By now, I was over the game and him as well. Yet six hours later, he murmured “Baby, you know I love you too.”  Motionless, I pretended to be asleep.  Sure, I was elated. But after his pitiful, six-hour late response, he didn’t deserve to see my joy.

Spiteful according to Noah Webster - will with an urge to humiliate or hurt.

Spiteful according to Cas  - sweet justice.

He had to lie there wondering if I heard him.  The next morning, he had to say it again, just incase.  When he did, I gave a slight response, as if I could care less, and just like and I was back in the game. 

Now if I could just learn how to play love without the game…

 

Love, Cas

 

 

  

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SELECTIVE 09/10/2010
 
ACCORDING TO CAS  If he wants to wait, what’s he hiding?

 

“Three months now and he hasn’t made a move.  We go out, we hold hands and we spend a lot of time together.  We’ve kissed, but that’s it.  What’s wrong with him?”

This is how Rita opened our weekly lunch. Of course we laughed, but soon after the chuckles died down, we all quietly brood over her last statement. “What is wrong with him?”   Naturally we all gave our opinions, which range from crazy to absolutely ignorant. “Maybe he’s a virgin, maybe he’s embarrassed about his size, maybe he has a disease, maybe he’s gay, maybe he’s gay with a disease, maybe he’s involved with someone else.”  Ironically none of us said, “maybe he’s a gentlemen and wants to wait.”  Isn’t that sad.

 

Our society is so screwy that it makes more sense to imagine a man is a down-low, diseased, homosexual with a lover on the side than to assume he’s selective.   In addition if a man doesn’t want us, we turn the rejection into personal insult and presuppose there must be something wrong with us.   Our culture has truly done a 180 on our minds.  If he wants to immediately jump our bones, we equate that action with admiration.  If he wants to wait and simply court, there’s must be a problem. 

 

Courting, according to Noah Webster – to try to gain the favor of; to woo

Courting, according to the street – hooking up, talking to, going out

 

Unfortunately, we gave Rita no valuable advice and so she continued making advances towards the man.  Her moves went unnoticed and soon her anxiousness grew to anger.  Finally, she asked him if he were at all attracted to her.  It turns out he had a hernia, a football injury, and the doctor forbid him of all sexual activities for six months. At last, we had an answer to the mystery…or did we?  When she explained it, we still doubted his excuse, wondering if he were covering up some greater secret.  Two months later, he was willing, ready and able.  Now that his advances were coming on strong, Rita no longer wanted him.  She’d rather wait.  (And we wonder why men think we’re crazy). 

 

Sadly, we’re conditioned to be sex objects.  We loved to be looked at and desired.  Hence the constant fashion & beauty advice for “better looks to win him over.”  There’s nothing wrong with being desirable.  However if we’re so fixated with it, that any form of rejection makes us turn the mirror on ourselves and place blame, there’s a problem.  We’re so obsessed with being wanted that we look to attract men that we don’t even want for the sake of being sought-after or maybe for bragging rights. A bit egotistical, don’t you think?   Rita did everything in her power to make this man want her and when he did, the game was over and she no longer craved him.  We have to be careful women…we have power, no doubt.  But we have to use our power for good not evil.  Even if we feel they deserve it. 

 

Sometimes when we’re told no it’s for our own good.  Maybe it’s God giving us a little time to get ourselves together.  As far as we know Rita’s man wasn’t gay or diseased but if he were, her ego would have made her miss the sign.  There are still selective men out there, but even if there weren’t, would it kill us to be a little more discerning about our choices. 

 

Selective, according to Noah Webster – carefully picked or chosen; discriminating

Selective, according to Cas – recognizing your preciousness

Either way, it’s all good.  Let’s not let our ego’s overrule our goodness, our good thinking, our good choices, and most importantly our good “goodies”. 

 

Love, Cas

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AS IS 09/10/2010
 
  ACCORDING TO CAS

What ever happened to “Purchase…As Is”?

My girl and I went dress shopping yesterday for an event this weekend It’s important that we both look as “hot” as possible.  The invitation said, “Come Dressed to Impress”.  So who are we to debate the flyer, even if we don’t quite understand what it means…brainwashing…it’s something else, ain’t it?   Anyway, we tried on dress after dress, and as the day progressed, we became more discouraged with our looks.  When the day started, I thought I was a cute, better-than-average looking woman.  In actuality, I am jacked up.  My thighs are too big for straight leg pants.  My butt is too high for low cut jeans.  My breasts are too tiny for V-necks and the list continues.  My friend realized she was just as messed up.  Everything on her body was either too long, or too big.  It’s surprising we have anything to wear at all.  But thankfully we do, because as bad as we look, God forbid we go naked. What has just happened?  Next to diamonds, shopping should be a girl’s best friend.  Yet my shopping excursion has been no companion, she’s only been a conniving, backstabbing, trick.  And, if I didn’t love shoes and fall fashion so much, I would have nothing else to do with her. 

 

Immediately when we returned home, I undressed and stared at my body in a full-length mirror.  Without delay, my friend retreated to the gym. Where she vowed to spend every moment for the next four days.  As she tried to shed her pounds on the treadmill, I attempted to rediscover the girl I once considered to be beautiful.

 

Beautiful, according to Noah Webster – marked by quality or combination of qualities that delights the senses or appeals to the mind.

Beautiful, according to the street – Halle Berry

 

Of course, we all want to look a like what we observe on television, it’s human nature to emulate what we see.  Women are told what’s beautiful, what’s hot, what’s sexy.  It’s everywhere. But what happens when we don’t fit into that mold?  Does that mean God screwed up?  No, God is infallible.  There is no mold. There is no “beauty cast”.  Being beautiful comes down to one thing…attitude.  Remember Charlotte’s Web?  Wilber was just a pig, but it was his attitude that kept him from becoming bacon.  If we look in the mirror and see a “pig”, we are setting ourselves up to be “fried” by society. I must admit, there is some truth to the saying, “Everything I need to know, I learned in kindergarten”.  It’s obvious we were born with certain things we may or may not like.  But trust me what we find upsetting about ourselves, someone else envies.  I have a friend with dark brown lips and she hates them.  I, on the other hand, have light pink lips and wear nothing but brown lipstick to make them look dark.  I love her lips; wish I had them. But, that wasn’t part of my mold.   We must flaunt our “flaws” as if they are our calling cards.  If we can’t wear what’s “hot” at the moment.  Let’s create our own “hot”.  God gave us personal style and for those who have lost it, he gave us fabulous gay men.  Find one and go shopping.  Make the experience uplifting.  Celebrate those hips and use them to saunter.  Shimmy those small breasts, for they have better elasticity.  Pout those full lips, for it makes the men weak.  Accentuate that round booty, for it makes them even weaker.  True beauty is in the attitude.  So let’s give ‘em attitude with a capital A. 

Attitude, according to Noah Webster – a position of the body or manner of carrying oneself; posture

Attitude, according to Cas – gives a signature statement that no one else can claim

Find the blend of clay that was poured in your mold.  Embrace it! If you don’t, know one else will. 

 

Now that I feel beautiful again, I gotta go.  Four more days to this party and I need to find the right heels to accentuate my calves and lift my bottom, which automatically sticks out my chest.  All that with my curvy, padded bra, I am sure to be the hottest chick in the place. 

 

Yeah, yeah, true beauty comes from inside…got that.

But looking absolutely fabulous…baby that takes a whole lot of work!

 

Love, Cas

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