ACCORDING TO CAS
Scoring with “I Love You”.

Does saying “I love you” strengthen your offense or leave you defenseless?

Vulnerable, according to Noah Webster - susceptible to physical injury or attack. Subject to criticism or censure

Vulnerable, according to the street - weak, whipped, pushover

My man and I have been dating for close to five months and it’s smooth sailing. At least it was until Wednesday.  He picked me up for dinner wearing the light orange button up I purchased for his birthday.  He looked so good, all I could do was beam as I thought… “look at my boyfriend.” After our hug, he showed me a ticket stub. It was from our first date. Taking me into his arms, he said, “That night I knew that you would eventually be my girl”.  He gave one of those quick, but passionate kisses, the kind that gently tugs your bottom lip…love those.  We gazed at each other and then it happened. The words slowly crept from my chest, to my throat and relaxed on the pallet of my tongue. Will this catapult or plummet our relationship?  As the soft “I” left my mouth, the taste soured and my lips quickly snap shut.  To make matters worse, I gave him one of those closed lip, silly grins.  You know the ones you give when you get caught doing something completely irresponsible.

Of course during our meal, it continually popped into my head. I kept looking for the perfect moment to interject my sentiment, but there was none.  Finally he asked, “Are you okay? You’ve been acting weird since the house.”  Now was the perfect time. “I…I…I think I want chocolate cake.  You wanna split dessert?”  That’s it. I’ve decided he’s the man and he should say it first.  God forbid, I say it and he doesn’t. That could take me from the 50-yard line to his 30 and I don’t know how to recover from that. Therefore, I ate my chocolate cake and went home.

By the end of the night I couldn’t take it anymore.  I came up with stupid ways to interpose the word love, in hopes that I could squeeze the phrase into normal conversation.  “I do love you in that orange shirt.  Orange is your color; don’t you love it?  That cake was a spoonful of love.  I love chocolate. I mean I absolutely love chocolate.”  Just then he responds.  “Do you love chocolate more than me?” I shrugged my shoulders and replied, “maybe”. Can you believe it?  Here was the opening I’ve been waiting for and I blew it.  All I had to say was “No baby, you know I love you, much more than chocolate.” There would have been no pressure, no vulnerable moment, just a quirky statement that would have released the heartburn from my chest.  But instead we sat in silence and continued to watch television. This is when I realized his statement was not only my opening, but his as well.  He, too, needed a light moment to ease into the three words.

Does vulnerability keep us all from having open and honest relationships?  It’s obvious we love each other.  It’s why I beam at the thought of his name and why he kept the ticket stub and decided to show it to me. It’s why we have to come up with dim-witted ways to express our admiration. 

This is silly; we are adults. He can’t read my mind, and I shouldn’t expect him too. If we lack the courage to communicate good feelings how are we going to correspond during the tough times? So what am I afraid of?  Honesty has the power to destroy fear. It was fourth down, nothing to do but say it. “I love you,” I whispered. And just like that, I punted and he had ball. What do you think he did?  He grabbed my hand, kissed my arm and responded, “I know you do”, and just like that I was defenseless as he scored a touchdown. Thus, I took my tea and my hurt feelings and retired to bed.  By now, I was over the game and him as well. Yet six hours later, he murmured “Baby, you know I love you too.”  Motionless, I pretended to be asleep.  Sure, I was elated. But after his pitiful, six-hour late response, he didn’t deserve to see my joy.

Spiteful according to Noah Webster - will with an urge to humiliate or hurt.

Spiteful according to Cas  - sweet justice.

He had to lie there wondering if I heard him.  The next morning, he had to say it again, just incase.  When he did, I gave a slight response, as if I could care less, and just like and I was back in the game. 

Now if I could just learn how to play love without the game…

 

Love, Cas

 

 

  

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