SELECTIVE 09/10/2010
 
ACCORDING TO CAS  If he wants to wait, what’s he hiding?

 

“Three months now and he hasn’t made a move.  We go out, we hold hands and we spend a lot of time together.  We’ve kissed, but that’s it.  What’s wrong with him?”

This is how Rita opened our weekly lunch. Of course we laughed, but soon after the chuckles died down, we all quietly brood over her last statement. “What is wrong with him?”   Naturally we all gave our opinions, which range from crazy to absolutely ignorant. “Maybe he’s a virgin, maybe he’s embarrassed about his size, maybe he has a disease, maybe he’s gay, maybe he’s gay with a disease, maybe he’s involved with someone else.”  Ironically none of us said, “maybe he’s a gentlemen and wants to wait.”  Isn’t that sad.

 

Our society is so screwy that it makes more sense to imagine a man is a down-low, diseased, homosexual with a lover on the side than to assume he’s selective.   In addition if a man doesn’t want us, we turn the rejection into personal insult and presuppose there must be something wrong with us.   Our culture has truly done a 180 on our minds.  If he wants to immediately jump our bones, we equate that action with admiration.  If he wants to wait and simply court, there’s must be a problem. 

 

Courting, according to Noah Webster – to try to gain the favor of; to woo

Courting, according to the street – hooking up, talking to, going out

 

Unfortunately, we gave Rita no valuable advice and so she continued making advances towards the man.  Her moves went unnoticed and soon her anxiousness grew to anger.  Finally, she asked him if he were at all attracted to her.  It turns out he had a hernia, a football injury, and the doctor forbid him of all sexual activities for six months. At last, we had an answer to the mystery…or did we?  When she explained it, we still doubted his excuse, wondering if he were covering up some greater secret.  Two months later, he was willing, ready and able.  Now that his advances were coming on strong, Rita no longer wanted him.  She’d rather wait.  (And we wonder why men think we’re crazy). 

 

Sadly, we’re conditioned to be sex objects.  We loved to be looked at and desired.  Hence the constant fashion & beauty advice for “better looks to win him over.”  There’s nothing wrong with being desirable.  However if we’re so fixated with it, that any form of rejection makes us turn the mirror on ourselves and place blame, there’s a problem.  We’re so obsessed with being wanted that we look to attract men that we don’t even want for the sake of being sought-after or maybe for bragging rights. A bit egotistical, don’t you think?   Rita did everything in her power to make this man want her and when he did, the game was over and she no longer craved him.  We have to be careful women…we have power, no doubt.  But we have to use our power for good not evil.  Even if we feel they deserve it. 

 

Sometimes when we’re told no it’s for our own good.  Maybe it’s God giving us a little time to get ourselves together.  As far as we know Rita’s man wasn’t gay or diseased but if he were, her ego would have made her miss the sign.  There are still selective men out there, but even if there weren’t, would it kill us to be a little more discerning about our choices. 

 

Selective, according to Noah Webster – carefully picked or chosen; discriminating

Selective, according to Cas – recognizing your preciousness

Either way, it’s all good.  Let’s not let our ego’s overrule our goodness, our good thinking, our good choices, and most importantly our good “goodies”. 

 

Love, Cas

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